Just Don't Call Me Patty

A name. What we’re called. What our parents decided to call us. An identity that chose us; not one we chose.

The name that chose me was Patricia. Patricia Marie to be more precise. Patricia Marie Elizabeth once my all- important never used confirmation name was added. In my younger years, I grew into Patty…the name my family used. It fit. I was a Patty. I was petite Patty, Peppermint Patty, “they can use Patty up and throw her away” from a television ad for S.O.S. soap pads Patty.

I was also called “the kid”, “the runt”, “piss ant”. So maybe it’s no wonder as I outgrew Patty, Patty 2.0, unlike Apple, wanted a completely new identity, wanted others to see the new version, not associate it with the former. I was intent on being called an “adolescent”….not a child…not an adult…not a teen… but an adolescent because that’s what I was. I was also Koala Bear (because of a fuzzy caramel colored coat, a fuzzy bear eared hat and ivory and caramel bear face gloves to match (yep… I was stylin’).

Then of course there was the “Broadway Joe” stage (a moniker that stuck thanks to Joe Namath—google him---. Short version: He was a New York Jets quarterback who guaranteed a Super Bowl win against the Baltimore Colts and their veteran quarterback Johnny Unitas. He was also known for appearing in television ads wearing nylons (Hanes) and being creamed by Farah Fawcett (Noxzema shaving cream), and touting the toughness of Brut Brut cologne. And so I too wore Hanes nylons and yes …. Brut cologne. But being called Broadway Joe had more to do (I think at least) with the similarity in our last names. Apparently Namath’s ancestors changed the spelling from Nemeth so that their name would be pronounced in America as it was in Hungary.

The college years saw the waning of Broadway Joe and the rise of Trish the Dish. My college roommate first started calling me Trish, then she and her cousin expanded it to Trish the Dish. The latter expanded version was again due to my stylin’. To earn tuition money, while in college, I worked part time at a jewelry store. So, I was dressed up quite often either coming or going to work. And still from time to time, people called me Patty.

Patty lingered in the shadows for a number of years, but by the first day of law school she stayed home. Patricia/Pat attended instead. Patty was nowhere to be seen (save in the eyes of my family and college roommates). Over the years since then, it’s been interesting to note how Patty would reappear out of nowhere in the eyes of colleagues. Even when I introduced myself as Patricia or Pat, someone would call me Patty. Patty has also shown up in the eyes and on the mouths of law clerks who were my employees (note the past tense) and attorneys who have appeared before me in arbitral hearings. So I got to thinking why it happens and why does is it predominantly males who do this. Now granted there are hundreds of men who don’t--- but when I am called Patty, it’s by a male even when I’ve identified myself as Patricia or Pat. I doubt that if a male introduced himself as William other males or females would then feel comfortable calling him Billie. To use the diminutive of a person’s name is to return that person to their childlike state, to treat that person as a child, not as a professional or a colleague.

And I get it—there are a lot of things for us to be concerned about in this world. This is just one way we can be more conscious about how we refer to our professional colleagues, about why it’s important to ask people what name they want to be called. After all, there’s a reason Prince changed his name to a symbol and then back to Prince. How we’re seen in others’ eyes, the name others use are important clues as to how they identify us, classify us, categorize us. So for me….just don’t call me Patty.

Patricia Nemeth received her Bachelor of Arts degree from the University of Michigan (Ann Arbor). She earned her Juris Doctorate and Masters of Labor Law degree from Wayne State University School of Law. She is the founding partner of Nemeth Law, P.C. which is celebrating its 25th Anniversary in 2017. Patricia decided to start a personal blog because she wanted to write about topics other than the law.