Have Tantrum, Then Take Care of Business

Encouragement to write this blog came from others at our firm after a discussion at our recent office holiday celebratory lunch. And continued encouragement as the weeks passed… Now that my schedule has cleared a bit… this is for them… They know who they are.

So at our lunch, a few attorneys – following a glass of wine – shared that there were things keeping them up at night… work things… You know that feeling (well maybe you don’t, but too many of us do.) You wake up in the middle of the night and start thinking of that thing… yes THAT thing that you haven’t taken care of, that you must take care of, must take care of… must take care of. Why the hell can’t I get back to sleep? I must take care of... must take care of… Okay, okay, I’ll take care of it when I get into the office first thing in the morning.

And as my colleagues talked, they said they had every intention of slaying the dragon and doing THAT thing FIRST thing, that morning. But that’s not what happened. Instead, they avoided it. And avoided. And avoided. And THAT thing never got done.

And so I asked, -- Well, did you have your tantrum? --

--Huh?

I thought everyone knew about the tantrum. The must have tantrum phase necessary before the moving on and taking care of business phase. But no. Hence, this blog.

--Before you can move on and take care of business you have to have your tantrum.

--But who are you having your tantrum against?—one asks.

--It’s not against anyone. It’s because of the situation. Whatever the situation is. It’s clear you don’t want to do whatever THAT thing is that you have to do. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be avoiding it. Most likely though, the situation is not going to change. So, you’re throwing a tantrum at the situation.

That’s about as far as we got before the food was delivered or someone said, hey, put it in a blog…

So, here’s the deal. The tantrum has to be private. It’s not against anyone. It’s because of the situation. And the tantrum can’t take place in your head. It has to be real. It MUST be out loud accompanied by whatever other tantrum-esque behavior of your choice—yelling, jumping up and down, punching pillows and whatever else one does as a two-year-old having a tantrum. The fun part is that unlike a toddler, you get to use adult words because adult words really help. It’s also important to think completely irrationally. So a tantrum might go something like: Why do I ALWAYS HAVE TO__________. NO ONE ELSE EVER has to ___________. This is so F***in UNFAIR. I am NEVER EVER EVER going to __________. This is such BULL***.

Tantrum it out for as long as it takes. Rid yourself of the anger you have at the situation so it’s not standing in your way of getting the work done that you need to accomplish. The anger is what is preventing you from moving forward. The longer you hold onto the anger; the longer you avoid the situation. The sooner you have your tantrum, the sooner you can address the work you need to do.

Let’s face it though, immediately after your tantrum, you’re going to be emotionally depleted, so it’s important to give yourself some transition time. So, what do you do for a toddler? After a tantrum and the calm returns, a little treat is always good. And it’s surprisingly soothing, getting you in a perfect frame of mind to address THAT thing. Sometimes it’s a popsicle (we have them in our office at all times). Sometimes 30 minutes of an old twilight zone rerun on Netflix. Whatever it is, the soothing transitional time period should not be of a long duration. Otherwise, you will easily fall back into the avoidance pattern again.

Now you should be ready to deal with what you’ve been avoiding. Make sure you plan a bigger treat for yourself after you have completed THAT thing you were avoiding. Binge-watching twilight zone re-runs that night for 90 minutes. Rewards are good for your soul (and for productivity). So, step away from your computers, step into a scream room, maybe find a dammit doll (holiday gifts to our employees this past year), have a good old-fashioned tantrum; then take care of business. Good luck!

Patricia Nemeth received her Bachelor of Arts degree from the University of Michigan (Ann Arbor). She earned her Juris Doctorate and Masters of Labor Law degree from Wayne State University School of Law. She is the founding partner of Nemeth Law, P.C. which celebrated its 25th Anniversary in 2017. Patricia decided to start a personal blog because she wanted to write about topics other than the law.